Never Do Nothing

From the moment we take our first breath, expectations are drilled into us. What well-studied parent doesn’t know when all of baby’s firsts are suppose to occur? Now, before I step up on my soapbox, please understand that I don’t think that these expectations always have negative results.  As I allude to later, I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. But I think there is a time when society should learn to be more tolerant. This occurs when there is too much pressure.

For as long as I can remember, I have had an insatiable need to reach the top. In classes, this meant getting the top grades. In music, I ended up the section leader of every ensemble and drum major of our marching band. At home, it meant doing all I could to be my parents’ favorite.

As I got older, the top was not as easily reached. Math was not my strong suit and my grades began to slip. However, unfortunately, that wasn’t the only subject that suffered. The more I felt that I couldn’t live up, the more pressure I seemed to feel. It was like a giant pillow pushing down on me. It was slowly suffocating my good will.

UW-Madison had been my dream school. I was reminded constantly about the familial connections and the prestige the school held. I casually explored other schools but knew where I was supposed to go. When the time came, I applied…and was wait-listed. This was the first major domino to fall. Maybe I couldn’t be the person that was expected of me.

In college at UW-La Crosse, I learned more than I could ever have hoped to. Within it’s boundaries, I first loved, lost, drank, failed, and truly succeeded. And it’s here I learned to not just accept, but to question.

The older we get, the more life changing our pressures seem to become. Say this, wear that, meet man, graduate then, career immediately, marry him, buy a house, have kids, be happy, repeat cycle. Everyday, I see people who seem to get stuck in this way of thinking. Believe me, if it worked out this way, I would be happy. But everyday, I question how much of this structure I really need. My ultimate goal in life is to feel successful by my terms (which could probably be a whole separate blog post).

Today, a few months after the reunion of my college graduation, I have a career that took me too long to get. I don’t have a husband, or even a boyfriend. I still have to rely on spellcheck. Some days it takes me 4 cups of coffee to be productive. And I still don’t know when the least common denominator will come in handy.

But I think I’m doing okay.

I have some savings. I have all of my fingers and toes. I have 40 cats down the street that are always ready to be petted and fed. I’m independent. I have loving friends and family. And I have ambition which pressures me to succeed, but on my terms. For the first time in my life, I feel like my head is clear and that I’m truly making strides towards being who I want to be. It isn’t perfect by any means; I love it nonetheless.

One of my teachers in high school told me something I live by: “Never do nothing. As soon as you stop doing something, you stop making progress.”

With acceptance and love, 

Christine